Not #winning.

Yes, I just referenced Charlie Sheen.  I went there :)

I just feel like I can’t win with my summer classes and clinic paperwork.  I love my external placement and seeing patients in a real clinical setting, but once I am on campus I feel like no matter what I do, it is never good enough! My supervisor is riding my butt about my paperwork, either it is not done well enough or it is not on time, and she is now saying she is deducting from my grade for it.   I just feel like I keep putting in more and more effort and I am not seeing the results.  I have a meeting with her to see if I can rectify the situation and salvage my grade.  I just want to admit defeat, but I still have another 6 weeks left. 

I’m also struggling to find the motivation to stay afloat with my classes and work.  I know my time management has been subpar this summer, but I just can’t seem to get going on it all.  All I want to do is sleep and bum around my apartment.  I’m going to try and up my exercise regimen to see if that boosts my energy level.  Maybe getting into more of a sleep routine will help me as well.  I think a good weekend away might also be in order because I need a break from this town. 

I know this is very whiny and self pity laden, but I just needed to vent and I’m just tired of it all at this point.  I think realizing boyfriend had been gone for a month, and there is still some time before he comes home is starting to get to me.  I’m not getting too excited about homecoming yet; I just can’t until it gets closer.  I think I was hurt so much by how many times leave was pushed back that I’m terrified the same thing is going to happen yet again. 

Ok, chocolate break and a nap and hopefully that turns my mood around.  

If I Knew Then What I Know Now.

Today I went for a quick run and did some weight circuits with a good friend/ co-worker I’ve met down here who is also in my department at school.  She is an awesome girl who just had her boyfriend commission into the Navy and leave for training this past weekend.  It was so interesting hearing her perspective on military life and dating someone in the military.  She is already slightly frustrated with the constantly changing schedules and the inability to plan more than 3 months out.  Then to top it all off, the poor girl is also adjusting to a long distance relationship on top of it all. 

She kept saying she didn’t know how I’ve done it this long, but at the same time I cannot fathom making the change from being together to being long distance.  I’ve been long distance with my boyfriend since high school, so we haven’t really known anything different at this point in our lives.  She is having a very difficult time with the transition so we are going to cure that a little bit with some booze and pool time this weekend :)

Hearing about her excitement with commissioning and the wonder of moving bases took me back to my feelings as well during that phase.  I also remember the discovering of bases with my soldier and learning all about the new and “exciting” areas he was in training at. 

What struck me the most however, was the frustration with potential job-hunting around the military.  She and I are both getting advanced degrees and she is terrified of being unable to find a job in her chosen field.  Granted, she may have better luck than I will, due to her specialty but it is something that has been on my mind a lot lately.  The plethora of blog posts about job hunting haven’t been helping either, haha. While I could work as an Audiologist for the military and could make a pretty decent living at it, I am beyond terrified they won’t hire me, or if I were to follow boyfriend through a PCS and not be hired at the new base.  Then I worry about working my butt off for 8 years to get the career I dream of, only to not be able to be employed.  I also want to work with kids and do more than fit hearing aids every day of my life.  I am lucky that boyfriend does not want to do more than his contract (as of right now, but that could always change) so while I may sacrifice dream pediatric jobs or owning a private practice for awhile, there may come a time that is possible. 

I guess I’m just frustrated as well with the Army right now.  I want to start looking for my clinical externship (kind of like residency for med students, but only for one year) next year and have it in place by next December, but who am I kidding with the Army ;)

Just a lot on my mind I guess.  It is interesting to see a close friend in the exact same place I found myself 2 years ago and how much I’ve grown from that point, but it still hurts to see someone struggling with her "new normal".  I just hope she meets some Navy gals that have been through that whole transition and she gets the answers she has been looking for.  The least I can do is distract her with some booze and girl time until that point :)

Sooner than expected?

Got to talk to dearest boyfriend the other day for the first time since he left for the 'stan after R&R.  He had some good news, and may be coming home MUCH sooner than expected! *YAY*! Lessons learned from R&R however, just take it one week at a time, don't get too ahead of myself just yet :)

I did make the mistake of moving my donut date up a few weeks to the earlier time he said he may be returning, and that my friends is called the bad idea bears.  Whoops! I promptly changed it back to a slightly more realistic date.  Now I just have to fight the battle with my clinical supervisors to get times switched if need be for the big ceremony.  They said they will be trying their best to work with me but not to get my hopes up *sigh*.  It's always something.  They even said, "well, didn't you just see him?" Oy!

Any helpful tips/tricks for navigating all this stuff?  Any homecoming faux pax I need to avoid? This will be my first ceremony and I don't know what to expect other than lots of tears of joy.

Classes are going well, and I've been doing WAY too much retail therapy lately.  I got a new swimsuit that was super cute, now I just need to hit the gym a little more and cut back on the snacks to feel amazing haha.  Well, I'm off to cram in some more baking to send off one more care package before it is too late.

I'm getting there, one step at a time.

Look at this bad boy.... I can remember looking at it hitting halfway and getting so happy, now I can almost count the weeks on 2 hands.  It may be even sooner, just playing the wait and see game as to when the Army will finally decide upon a return day.  He will be home soon enough, I keep telling myself to just keep going one day at at time.

I'm so ready for all this deployment mess to be over.  I hate that I am now glued to my computer all the time and go completely bonkers if my phone is not within my reach at all times.  I miss the care-free days of R&R, can he just be home already?

Also, this summer semester of classes and 2 full days of clinicals are going to kill me.  I have weekly quizzes on about 40 medical terminology roots and on electophysiology in my other class.  How I am managing to stay awake, I have no clue!

Before I know it, the end of the semester is going to be here and LT will be home again, I've got some serious pool time to get in, a very messy apartment and some intense cleaning that needs to happen.  Maybe this weekend I will not be distracted by nice weather and get my stuff done.  Well, here is to hoping, ha!

In the next several weeks I'm going to be having some fun visitors so that is always exciting and will make the time go by even faster.  I've also taken up swimming with my classmates for exercise to mix up our workout routines before our next 5K and man does that kick your butt! I haven't been swimming as a means of exercise in a very long time, and oof, I'm feeling it.  Now if only my swimming plugs would come in so I could go and not have to worry about swimmer's ear :(.

My external placement is continuing to go well, I am learning a whole lot and getting a lot more comfortable with hearing aids and the process that goes into fitting them.  Also the patients I see never cease to amaze me, they are really a special gang :) But, I have some clinic paperwork to get done, I have a full day of clinicals and classes tomorrow.  Living the grad school dream ;)

All About Ears

10 Common Misconceptions about Hearing Loss and Ears:

1) Ear wax is gross and needs to be removed.

Facts: Ear wax (also called cerumen) is a natural secretion by the body as a means to protect itself from infection and even has properties that may make it smell bad to insects and repel them naturally.  Think of your ears as self-cleaning ovens, wax will generally make it out on its own without any removal.  A few people may require cerumen removal, but will only need to happen every 6 months or so.  If there is a blockage, use over the counter softening drops then go to the doctor for suction or water irrigation.

2) Ringing or buzzing in your ears in normal.

Facts: Often ringing or buzzing (called tinnitus) is a sign of hearing damage that has already occurred or is a symptom of another disease.  Some people experience buzzing/ringing to such a degree it is debilitating and they cannot lead normal lives.  There is no cure for tinnitus, and no pill or herbal supplement will make it go away. 

3) An iPod will protect your hearing.

Facts: iPods actually can be very loud, and may damage hearing when listened to at high volume (considered greater than 2/3 volume for greater than 60 min).  When mowing or during any other activity, ear plugs should be used.  By introducing further noise to the ears, greater damage may occur.

4) Q-tips, ear candling, hydrogen peroxide, and rubbing alcohol will get rid of ear wax.

Facts: 1/2 of the ear canal produces wax and the other 1/2 does not.  Q-tips will often push wax further into the canal where it cannot be pushed out naturally.  Ear candling will also change the natural pressure in the ear and may cause a rupture of the ear drum.  Hydrogen peroxide and rubbing alcohol will also dry out wax and also cause damage to the skin in the ear canal and ear drum.  They should never be used, and only a medical professional should remove ear wax.

5) Hearing loss can be cured.

Facts: A hearing aid will only make sounds louder, and will not cure hearing loss.  No matter how much the sound is made louder, it will not become as clear sounding as it once was.  Your ears and brain also naturally very good at picking out in a noisy restaurant what is noise, and what is speech that you want to listen to.  With hearing loss, sound is distorted and will never sound normal again once the damage has occurred.  There are some types of sudden hearing loss that can be cured with steroids, but that is very rare.  Most hearing loss is permanent and will progress gradually.

6) I don’t need to protect my hearing when I am only ________ (insert age here).

Facts: All people are at risk for hearing loss, and it can happen to anyone no matter the age.  Infants and the elderly alike are all at risk for hearing loss.  Currently, there is research to suggest that noise exposure is growing greatly amongst “tweens” and young adults at an alarming rate.  One of the most important things you can do to protect your hearing is to wear ear plugs and have your hearing checked regularly. 

7) Only old people have hearing loss.

Facts: Actually hearing loss is one of the more common birth defects (partially due to premature birth and NICU exposure).  The prevalence of hearing loss is also going up and is partially thought to be related to noise exposure.  Hearing loss can happen to anyone at any age, and will cause a wide range of difficulty.

8) I just need sound to be loud enough to hear.

Facts: With sensorineural (nerve) hearing loss even if sound is made loud enough, it will not always be clear.  As I said before the brain is very good at filtering out noise from speech and without all the information, the brain will process the sound very differently.  So buying an over the counter amplifier (not a true hearing aid) will not be helpful. Instead see a hearing professional for a properly fitting device.  True hearing aids have additional features that help to compensate for the missing auditory information.

9) Hearing tests are only needed if there is a problem.

Facts: It is recommended that people have their hearing screened yearly and children or those with high risks of hearing loss should be monitored more frequently.  This way, if there is a problem it can be detected sooner.  Once hearing loss is identified, it should be tested annually, just like vision. 

10) Ear infections can be cured by antibiotics.

Facts: New research is emerging stating that the use of antibiotics to treat ear infections is actually contributing further to antibiotic resistant strains.  For children under 2, antibiotic ear drops are still the choice treatment, but a majority of cases clear up on their own without antibiotics.  However in the cases of middle ear infections or if fluid is present, antibiotics and other medications may be needed. 

I hope this was informative, but I just felt the need to spread some information that has been popping up frequently when interacting with patients on my external clinic placement.  I’m sure I’ll do another couple of these at some point, so stay tuned and take care of your ears :) This was meant to be simple information, not medical advice, if you have problems/specific questions see a local audiologist or feel free to email me.

Just another day in the life of an AuD student

I just had the most fantastic Friday I could have asked for.  I was so incredibly nervous to go to my first external placement; it was really my first time to see how Audiologists work in the real world.  I drove to my placement the night before (it is an hour from where I go to school) and crashed on my cousin’s couch that night to avoid waking up and leaving by 6am. 

I got there nice and early, reviewed my notes from all my classes the past 2 semesters, quizzed myself on the normative values for any test they may ask me to run and generally prepared for a very long and possibly overwhelming day. 

Needless to say, this was one of those days where I LOVED everything that I was doing.  I felt comfortable doing all the testing and giving results to patients.  My supervisors were both very understanding, and also pushed me outside of my comfort zone and letting me try all sorts of new things.   One of my supervisors was in the first AuD class to graduate from my program, so we had fun swapping stories about the professors :)

All in all, it was just an affirming experience.  The entire day, I had so much fun trouble shooting hearing aids and figuring out what was wrong with them and how to fix/repair them for the patient.  I used to not be wild about hearing aids, but they are just such AMAZING little bits of technology.  I love being able to counsel patients about their lives, expectations and seeing how I can best help them to have the life they want.

I know deep in my heart that I have truly found “my calling”, I had my doubts when I started school and was unsure I made the right choice in my program- but as of Friday I truly felt affirmed in my decision and everything just felt right. 

When I have my days that I am stressed out beyond belief I’ll have to look back on Friday and remember this feeling and that on May 18th, 2014, it’ll all have been worth it. 

Back in Bloggy-land

First of all I’ll share some good news:  1) I passed anatomy! That is that class that is mostly commonly repeated/remediated in the program and 2) I am officially a 2nd year in the AuD program- bring it on grad school!

These past two weeks of R&R seemed to fly by. Before I knew it, we were embracing, saying our “see you soons” and wishing time would stand still so we could spend more time together.  The time we had together was stressful, tiring, wonderful, relaxing, priceless, and entirely too brief.  There were laughs, tears and lots of memories made.

Now, I find myself back at school struggling to find the motivation to study electrophysiology, pharmacology, and medical terminology while getting back into the swing of clinicals.   I’m also “pee-my-pants-nervous” for my first external clinical placement on Friday.  All I want to do is lounge around, eat copious amounts of junk food, and throw a gigantic pity party.

I keep trying to downplay my feelings with knowing he’ll be home in the next few months, and that deployment is about 3/4 of the way over, but it still hurts nonetheless.  The timing for leave was as good as it could be, once I finished my finals we had 3 wonderful days with just the two of us down at my apartment at school.  If I had known that was all the extended alone time we’d get, I would have cherished it that much more.  Everywhere I look in my apartment I remember the things we did together in CU and the fun we had. 

The night before he left, we spent the night talking, cuddling and as I just found out, waiting out a minor tornado in his parent’s basement with a foosball tournament.  As the night drew to a close, he held me tight, told me he loved me and walked me out to my car where we kissed goodbye in the rain.  We discussed it, and decided I shouldn’t go with him to the airport; waiting together for a plane to leave would just draw out an already agonizing goodbye.  Thankfully his family was able to take him and spend a bit of time with him.  Poor guy, he had to go back on his birthday.  Thanks for that lovely present Army! I did get word today he made it safely to Kuwait, now he's just transitioning to his new job and getting settled back into deployment life.

I want to thank all you bloggy-buddies for your support and comments on my recent posts.  Without that, I do not know if I would have been able to handle the constant ups and downs from this deployment as well as I have.  So, I thank you again- it means a lot.

Ok, off to go on a cleaning and organizing binge and then doing some Ben and Jerry’s therapy.  Tomorrow is my one day off during the week to take some me time so I will be taking full advantage and hopefully getting all caught up on reading blogs.  My google reader count is ridiculously high (200+) and is at the point I never want to see that number that high again, yikes!  Looking forward to see what has been going on with everyone :)