Guest Post by Mel

I want you all to welcome Mel from Head in the Game, Heart in the Sand.  She is a fellow grad student (a law student at that!) and a newlywed military spouse.  I was a guest poster for her recently, and she so graciously agreed to do the same for me! So leave her some love, and I think this post should resonate with all of us.

Adapt and overcome.  In Army life, we hear that phrase a lot, often in response to bad news or a last-minute change of plans. Those words mean different things to different people and everyone has their own way of “practicing” the motto.  For me, a child of divorced parents, with no money, living in the city, those words meant something deeper before I even realized it.

The dictionary defines adapt as: to adjust oneself to different conditions, environment, etc. and defines overcome as: to get the better of in a struggle or conflict; conquer; defeat; to prevail over (opposition, a debility, temptations, etc.); surmount

I lived in 13 houses and attended 5 different schools before 6^th grade. I spent a lot of time in daycare, shuffling between parents on the weekends and riding city buses to school.  Just when I would make friends and settle into a routine, we would change course again. My mom did what was necessary to pay the bills and that often meant going where the jobs were or finding a cheaper place to live. Usually, I’d put my belongings, comprised almost entirely of books, into a small suitcase, grab my sister’s hand and give my mom a smile.  I didn’t know it at the time, but I was learning to adapt and overcome.

I started dating my husband four years ago while he was 1400 miles away serving in the Army and I was working and applying to law schools.  We have been long distance ever since and during that time we have experienced a year-long deployment, a short engagement, 3 intense years of law school, a wedding we planned in two weeks and a PCS to a whole new state.  We have experienced every up and down the Army could throw our way and we’ve come out stronger and better for it.  Adapt and overcome. 

Some days, I hear these words and I roll my eyes.  They make me feel angry and vulnerable; quiet and frustrated. Another cancelled trip because of last-minute duty. Another birthday/anniversary passes with a heartfelt apology.  Another late night sitting up waiting for the phone call that never comes.  It’s okay, just adapt and overcome.

Other days, these words make me feel inspired and powerful; resilient and proud.  Another year together, strong and in love, having battle all the ups and downs the Army could throw our way.  Another step towards the career of my dreams, with the man of my dreams by my side.  See that honey, all we have to do is adapt and overcome.

Whether I like it or not, this phrase is at the core of who I am. It has to be. I know that no matter what, come hell or high-water (or deployment or law school) I can handle it. We can handle it – with a little work and a lot of prayer – we, together, can adapt and overcome.

Guest Post

As many of you know I'm off on vacation (just landed yesterday) and I'm hosting Sam as my guest blogger today.  She was one of the first ones to respond to my call for guest bloggers, and she picked today! We are both Army girlfriends and doing the whole graduate school thing, so it's been nice to find another kindred spirit in the bloggy world.  Leave her some love/advice and I hope you all enjoy.

 Hey y'all! My name is Sam, from Steady as we Go. I am an army girlfriend, and an athletic trainer (see my blog for that one), and will soon be going back to school to get my masters in kinesiology/athletic training. My boyfriend N. is currently in the Special Forces Q course and we have been dating long distance since before he joined the army. When I saw Dani was looking for guest-posters, I figured I would take the plunge and write my very first one. I hope you guys enjoy it.

     Now on my blog, I do not talk about the Army too much; maybe little fragments here and there but I have never written a full post on anything related to it. I think this is the perfect opportunity to do so.

     Come Monday, N. will be off to train on lockdown for three months. He will miss so many things from the end of my time here in NC to holidays to birthdays and anniversaries and so on.  Yes, yes, I am used to this, and no, it's not a deployment, but this does bring up several reminders of past and future absences. He has and will miss many more holidays, birthdays, and life events. Even when he is not in training, or even before he was in the army, he missed these things due to the nature of our relationship. Before I moved to just three hours away, we only saw each other about once a month.

     I remember clearly last year, while he was just beginning the pipeline, he missed several things. Thanksgiving, Easter (we're both catholic, so it's an important holiday), My senior formal, my college graduation, my birthday, and HIS birthday, among many others. Let me tell you, I was not happy when my sister's boyfriend was at my graduation and mine wasn't. And being just a girlfriend makes things all the more complicated. Especially when you throw two VERY busy schedules and years and years of long distance into the mix. It has definitely brought disappointment and strain upon our relationship on many occasions.

     So what I want to pose to all of you is, how do you deal with all of these missed occasions? What do you do to make them special even when your man (or you!) can't be there?