Sunday, August 14, 2011

Raw Emotion

Today, I finally got the information I’ve been craving for almost a full year, a homecoming date.  I’m not 100% sure of the exact time, but it’s nice to finally have some finality to this deployment.  Nothing makes a morning like a message saying “I’m on my way.  See you soon”.
"Leaving on a Jet Plane"
Going into this year, I was naive about the nights I’d spend alone, and the amount of communication I’d be able to have with my soldier.   But here I am, still standing strong despite the year apart.  I never thought I’d be at this point, it certainly took its time in getting here! If he had come home on his original date, I’d be in his arms tonight.  But duty called and Uncle Sam wanted him a few more days so I guess I’ll just have to wait.  I do know that I can count the number of days on one hand and it is such a relief to know that he is en route to me right now.  

I’m trying really hard to have realistic expectations about the ceremony and not over romanticize the entire day.  I know he will be tired, his family is going to be excited as well, and that I am going to have to work hard for some alone time while respecting his family’s time as well.  

I’m already crying about the day, it’s like I can finally breathe again.  I’ve been walking on eggshells and felt like there was a huge weight on my shoulders this last year.  Now that I know he is moving, the weight has been lifted and I can feel some of the anxiety I’ve been holding in about the entire year.  Tonight I let myself have a good “ugly cry” because it’s finally over and I can start to get excited about this. I think I’m just in a very weird place emotionally. 

It didn't help that I was at a wedding alone yesterday thinking about how he should have been with me.  I've attended many weddings alone and while I was so excited for the couple,  I was throwing a pity party that everyone had a date and a slow dance partner while I was sitting at the table alone with my drink. I was the only person in my group of friends without a +1 in attendance.  At least the weddings I'll be going to in the next year, he'll hopefully be at my side, and I'll have someone to whisper sweet nothings to during slow dances. 

I'm hopeful this week will fly by, and I'll enjoy some time alone together where we can catch up and get back into our LDR routine.  At least, I'm excited to know that after that hug, just a few days of redeployment training stand between the two of us and block leave. It's not looking like we'll get a quick weekend together on Labor Day, instead I'm going out to Nebraska with his family to meet the whole fam-damily.  Maybe at Christmas-time we'll finally get that elusive vacation together.  

I'll try to update with photos as soon as I get the chance, but odds are, I won't be updating until next week when I return from the long weekend down at his base.  Thank ladies for all your support and kind words that have gotten me through this year.  Seeing all the love from the blogging community has really been beneficial, so thanks again :) I'm hopeful about our future with the Army because I've seen all of you balance through the good days and the dark days as well.  So hats off to those of you with multiple deployments under your belt. You're the ones that have kept me going some night with your optimism and blunt truths about military life.


  1. You did it! Congratulations. I'm glad he's safe and hope you guys have a great reunion.

  2. I'm so excited for you! It is the BEST feeling hugging them for the first time. I can't wait to see pictures! Take a few moments a day to your self to pat yourself on the back and know that your strength brought you here. He'll be with you before you know it!!